guilt has arrived with efforts of revival of self. not guilt over past. guilt over present. guilt over future. words and glances and touches bring an instant moment of comfort only to be quickly replaced with an echo of betrayal and hollowness. these feelings are not right. i did not leave. i did not turn my back. i chose him. he chose her. i am doing nothing wrong.
...i am starting to see things differently. so scary. im not sure i can even admit to myself what i think i might know. forever is just around the corner. the hardest goodbye is looming.
...into the looking glass and the reflection is dim, in it a smile that hides so much; and invisible tears that fall by the millions. the water shed is not over lost him, it is over lost me. the endless flood of sorrow screams for how cruel a trick my mind allowed to be played on self. no longer a shroud of trust, confidence, hope nor respect for self.
no soul left to share.
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