grief.

grief is something we all have in common. everyone - at least once in their life - experiences it. we may all have it in common, but grief looks different on each person.

they say there are five stages:

denial

anger

bargaining

depression

acceptance


grief for me is physical. it is constricting. it is palpable. it is a heavy, wet blanket that slows me down. i am a slug.

in the past i have stuck in distraction and denial for far too long, which allowed me to come back to reality only when enough time had passed that i could 'skip' to acceptance. this time that will not work. there is not enough time in all of eternity to allow me to distract long enough to no longer feel what i feel now. i suspect people look at me as weak, as dramatic, as obsessed, as stalled. i guess i may be all of those things. but i know what i've lost. maybe it was never there. maybe it was never reciprocated. maybe darkwing isnt even capable of it. but i believed.

maybe i am better off because i am free to find someone who can be more real, who knows how to love. maybe i will believe that someday.