dear you

you are a sad and pathetic person. you cling to hope rather than reality. you ask me for reminders of reality and it baffles me...because every waking moment of yours should be enough of a reminder that i do not love you. i am here. not there. i am here everyday. i am not there everyday. please dont pathetically remind me of how i know every square inch of your soul, how i know every square inch of your body. i used your soul as comfort when i had none, i used your body as a fuck fest for my own amusement. why you struggle? i have no idea. you seem to have forgotten that you were never my one. you seem to ignore the small little matter that my actions alway spoke louder than my words. you seem to think that if i respected no one else in life, that you would be the exception. news for you: you are the rule, not the exception. news for you: you were the punch line, not the chorus. of course i look through you. of course i do! ive always looked through you, because i loathe you. looking at you is a reminder of myself. i hate you and i hate myself. i look at you and i am reminded of what i almost lost. i look at you and am sickened that i almost risked it all for you. i hate you. how could you ever have mistaken that for love? how could you believe so little in yourself that you would think my cruel ways equated love? you are pathetic. let me remind you of a few things:

when i make love - its not with you. knowing your body, was the carnal desire of fucking someone who wanted me. all i did was use you for my own ego. you are a good lay. thats all. you are so typical to believe that i would mean the words 'making love'. its laughable, really.

when i am sad or mad or lonely or happy or excited or anything....i dont share it with you. i tell you nothing about me, about my life. and yet...you seem confused about my feelings? let me be clear: you are nothing to me. nothing. not part of my past; not part of my present; not part of my future. nothing.

the only way you would be good enough, is if i were left with nothing. but that wont happen, because ive woven enough of a web that that wont happen. i win. i get everything while doing nothing.

so in case you were wondering, thanks for the fuck - but dont you go believin' that you are anything more than some sexual conquest: you never were more than that and god knows now that i conquered you - i have no more interest in you. so drop dead and leave me and mine alone. and when you stupidly forget thay i mean it - remember where im sleeping tonite and think of me finding my way in someone elses body.