at the end of the day...im getting used to having nothing. regardless of what fills the day...ive grown to have the expectation of nothing and the hope for nothing. it may be bleak. but it is far less painful than hope for what will never be.
i can feel what this may conjure up. but so be it. in the equation of life, nothing is actually far more than half of something. im learning to love nothing. im learning to love the shell of something. i still wonder why so many people full of nothing have something and why so many people full of something have nothing...but i will simply recognize - that 'deserve' is a child word. and 'have' is an adult word.
i am at the tip of a million words. and they will come. but for now - i just say - i embrace my nothing....and recognize how silly i have been to ever think i had anything BUT nothing.
shame on me for believing in anything. shame on me for giving legs to lies.
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